


You Are Enough Just As You Are

by IwillBeileveItIfICanDreamIt



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:01:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28550532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IwillBeileveItIfICanDreamIt/pseuds/IwillBeileveItIfICanDreamIt
Summary: Haruhi has some choice words to say when Renge gives them their scripts for the movie. In doing so she proves that while she hates the club she still loves the boys in it.
Relationships: Fujioka Haruhi & Haninozuka Mitsukuni
Kudos: 15





	You Are Enough Just As You Are

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so before you read this, I should probably warn you that I woke up at three AM after dreaming of this and had to write it down immediately. On top of that I haven’t seen Ouran in years, so I have no idea how accurate this is and I really don’t have the time to watch the series right now, so please be gentle with this. 
> 
> It’s based around episode 3? 4? Whichever one Renge debuted in is the episode my brain was like “we could do something with this” and gave me a fever dream I found so important I had to capture it immediately.
> 
> Anyway, this is my first story of the year (Oh god I’m going to regret posting my 3am rant as the kick start of the year, aren’t I?) Hope you are all doing okay given the time we currently in. Love and wishes to you all!

"These are the scripts i want you to learn by tomorrow" Renge sang as she danced from host to host, handing them a wad of paper. "I've already had you signed out of class tomorrow: the headmaster thinks this will be a wonderful idea" she giggled batting her eyes at Kyoya "My lovely Kyoya helped me get him to see out way of thinking"

"You do me too much credit, this was all thanks to you Renge" Kyoya threw her a fake smile, light gleaming off his glasses as he briefly flicked through the pages he'd been handed. While he had no role to play, he had asked for the scripts to make sure there wasn't anything in there that would bring negative attention to the club.

"Yes, I'm sure you have written this all marvellously Lady Renge" Tamaki complemented theatrically, doing his kingly jesters. 

"Shut up Phoney King" she snarled, giving him a glare casing the blonde to migrate to his corner of woe, attracting the devil twin's attention.

While the demon twins what they did best- drive Tamaki to madness- the young woman turned to the oldest and smallest member of the group with an apologetic look about her. "Hani- Sempai I'm afraid Mori-Sempai isn't here, would it be alright if i gave you his script? I know you two are joined at the hip, so I don't doubt you could give it him" She threw him a winning smile. 

"Sure Renge-Chan. Takashi isn't here right now because he had a Kendo meeting straight after class, but i will make sure to give him your awesome script!" he giggled happily, trying to mask the sadness of his missing cousin. The only outward sign as to his distress was the minute tightening of Usa-Chan. Thankfully the young heiress was too distracted by the budding flowers surrounding him to take note of this. 

The only one beside Takashi who could even pierce his cuteness bubble was there resident secret princess. Covertly he snuck a glance at the brunette and found her to be looking down at the script in her hand, facial expression blank. he worried slightly as to why she was trying to mask her expression but quickly pushed that aside, attention back on the their manager who had begun speaking once more.

"The film crew will be here for six and will finish setting up by eight, so nobody is to be late tomorrow" she commanded them, stopping the teasing in its tracks.

"What happens if-" Kaoru started, feeling his brother wrap an arm around his waist.

"We are late?" Hikaru continued leaning towards the lady. 

"After all we love a lie in" they finish in sync, grinning mischievously.

"I assume you two like your Gambeboy. Unless you wish to find it smashed to pieces, i suggest you make it on time" she told them tersely, raising a challenging brow, daring them to call her on her bluff. Nodding her head when she saw them suitably pale at the threat.

"Now i want you to use this time tonight to go over your lines and to dig deep into yourself to find the true you!" she informed them merrily, losing the somewhat demonic aura that had surrounded her. "Any questions?" she asked.

When they all shook their heads, she clapped her hands "Well off with you! Get some good rest!" she told them brightly before skipping out the room.

The six hosts just stared blankly at the door before turning there attention to the script in there hands. 

"Well" Tamaki said after the silence ad stretched on too long "You heard her men, we cant disappoint the ladies! We must give a hundred and ten percent to this! I don't want to hear any complaints!" he rallied.

"Right!" the twins agreed, giving him a mock salute. 

"Now off with you! We have much to read and so little time" he ordered, waving the large stack of papers around, already leading the charge. It didn't take long for the twins and Kyoya to follow their esteemed leader out of the room, apparently done for the day.

Hani breathed a silent sigh of relief as the other members left for the day. Normally he'd be right along with them, hyperactivity jumping around, but he'd had a meeting earlier in the day that had been too important to miss, meaning he'd had to forsake his precious afternoon nap to attend, so his energy reserves were beginning to flag.

He sunk back into the sofa he had commandeered, closing his eyes briefly as he took deep, slow even breaths to centre himself. 

' _God I'm tired. Not only did i not get a power nap in today, but I had an awful time getting to sleep last night. I wish I could sleep here but I'd probably end up worrying Takashi. No, I'll have a fortifying piece of cake before calling my driver and heading home'_ He told himself before opening his eyes, minutely startled to find Haruhi sat across from him. He'd thought she'd left with the others.

He took in the crease between her brow and the tension around her jaw. Whatever she was doing here, she was clearly bothered by something. Felling his stare, the brunette looked up and Hani was taken aback by the cold look in her eye.

"How can you be okay with this?" Haruhi asked softly, an underlying anger simmering just below the surface. It took Hani's tired brain a moment to work out what the hell she was even asking. Without meaning to he looked down at the script he was holding, catching sight of the word bully and immediately grimacing.

Not having an answer for the young woman, he just stared at her and hoped it conveyed everything he felt on the subject. 

That he wasn't okay with the image he had to portray. That he didn't want to do this and to have people think of him in this way. He worked very hard to show the opposite and to suddenly have someone see him in this was was disheartening and if he was honest, a little offensive.

He was a master of Karate. He probably knew more on the subject then anyone in the world. He knew the reason for its creation, the negative emotions that is closely entwined with learning a martial art. He understands that to some there is a very dark and evil reason to learn self-defense. Even he wasn't safe for the effects of the darker side of the art.. When those he protected were threatened, he show cased exactly why many who do not understand the art, fear it, but he'd never ever used his skills in the way Renge seemed to think he does. But of course he couldn't go against the club, not with Kyoya backing her. 

While his word counted for something, in this endeavour his thoughts and feelings are not going to be taken into account because the movies was "Fake". He knew from experience though that if he threw enough mud, something will stick. It wouldn't surprise him if the people just looking for a faults in him, to hate him for will fins that very reason in her movie, but at this point he was too tired to do anything about it.

"She's basically telling you who you are isn't enough to make the girls like you and if that wasn't bad enough. She's insinuating all the problems you've faced or are still facing aren't good enough to make you who you are or to warrant peoples sympathy's!" She carried on, a look of disgust falling over her features as she all but threw the script away from herself and onto the table separating them. Clearly she hadn't read what he wanted her to in his expression.

“Haru-Chan calm down.” He sighed, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees “I don’t see what the big deal is. We are all rich. Some people believe that means we don’t have any problems personal or professional.” He pointed out calmly, trying to hide his own frustration at the stupidly but commonly given reason by those around them. Both poor and rich alike. However, he couldn’t remove the air of resignation about him, as if he had accepted that was a fact of life. That the rich could be nothing but happy.

“Well they are wrong! And she’s no better than them by forcing you to create backstories when who you and what you’ve gone through are enough!” She bellowed even more worked up, fists clenching in her lap, looking a second away from standing up at the injustice. “She’s one of you. One of the elite, how can she believe you don’t have your own sad stories you just don’t want to tell people?”

“Maybe she’s one of the lucky few who are given everything and don’t have to uphold standards forced upon her by her family” he shrugged. Hugging his Usa-Chan close trying to withhold his resentment towards her if that was the case. He wouldn’t wish his difficulties on anyone, but he had to admit in his tired state that he was envious of her. If she’d never been forced to be someone else, love someone else, live as someone else just to uphold the family ideals, then she was incredibly lucky.

 _'No wonder she expects everything to go her way. If her home life is full of love and only the word yes then its not surprising she has no idea that we do have tragic backstories, as she seems to think life is a fairy tale’_ he mused to himself before focusing back on the woman in front of him.

“And what does that have to do with you? It’s not like you know of our personal difficulties” he knew he was being too harsh. Was taking out his own problems on her but he just couldn’t help it. He was tired, wanting his cake, followed by a nap and she was standing in his way of both of those things. Causing a fuss over something he knew in a day or two either wouldn’t bother him or the writer’s interest in it would be forgotten. Renge did seem like the type of person whose interests and attention changed on a dime.

“That’s where you’re wrong. I care for you boys. I pay attention and I listen to what you tell me.” She snapped back suddenly on the defensive. Before her back had been bowed, a cold anger running through her but now she was sitting up ram rode straight, a fire in her eyes. Now he’d turned this one her, she had taken an immediately defensive stance.

“I find that hard to believe considering not too long ago you admitted you don’t like being in the club” he snorted darkly, pushing down the sting those words gave him. He had come to love her and having her in their weird family. To hear she didn’t hurt in a way he never thought it could. Felt like she was rejecting him as she was dismissing the very thing he held dear. You cannot blame him then for being snippy when she hinted she knew them after already informing them she wished she didn’t.

“And I was saying the truth. I don’t like being in this club. Especially since I’m being held here against my will, made to do things I am not comfortable with and I’m constantly worrying about the little time I do have to keep my grades up when you all demand stuff of me. Getting into this School was no walk in the park, and none of you seem to care about the fact I really had to work to just get here never mind stay. So no I don’t like being in this club where I can’t put my foot down and say I am unable to give you my time or to have to talk to people when I don’t feel like it. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you guys. I have come to see you as my friends and that means I want what’s best for you and to try and make you happy” She could see what she’d said had hurt her friend. Had been too blunt and not explained enough. She couldn’t fault him for feeling this way after she gave him nothing to negate the idea she hated them. She was now not only anger at Renge and the club for accepting her frankly dangerous ideas but at herself for making her friends feel this way.

“Okay prove how much you know us. What kind of problems have we all faced?” Hani challenged. He didn’t know where this sudden aggressiveness came from. Or why he felt desperate for her to do such a thing. But he felt it. That same intense need he had for a slice of cake directed at finally having proof that she at least cared for them. Something they had all taken to worrying about after her statement of not liking the host club.

For a second he worried she would refuse. That she would actually stop and think ‘Hey I can’t prove that as it will be giving away very private information and might break their trust’ but she seems to be too worked up about all this to have that moment of clarity.

“Well let’s start with the obvious, Hikaru and Kaoru. Nobody in their life can tell them apart, not even their own mother. And if that isn’t bad enough, they were treated as inferior. Used as an accessory to an outfit or a manakin to a design. They had no say, no thoughts no real voice. The people who should have loved them unconditionally. The ones who should have made time even if it was just to read them a story at bedtime couldn’t give a crap, left them in the hands of strangers. They know nobody wants them. They know nobody wants to make the time or the effort to get to know them enough to be able to tell them apart. And the final chance. Their last attempt at doing so, ends up with their favoured care giver stealing money, telling them they will never be able to be individuals and runs off into the night, only to be capture and thrown in a dark cell for the rest of her days. They’ve lost hope. Shut their doors to everyone and accepted the fact they could never hold a bond with Someone.”

“Then they meet a girl who literally claws her way into their world and throws the door open. She accepts their mischievous ways. Acknowledged that it’s there way of being noticed. She puts up with their weird acts and doesn’t hold it against them when they don’t quite know how to be friends because in truth neither does she. Then a miracle happened. She is the first person ever to tell them apart and accepts them as both individuals as well as sees and accepts that sometimes they prefer to be seen as one. But they’ve never had a friend or even someone who genuinely likes them for them, so they try to pretend that’s not what’s happened. Doing what they have always done and block out emotions, worried what experiencing them will lead to. “

“They think nobody will ever do what she did again. Nobody will see them or hear them. They won’t want one of them never mind both so they tell themselves that loving her is the only way she will stay in their world. That they can’t be hurt if she is theirs. They don’t want to be close, so they call her a toy. Too afraid to let her go and be alone again but afraid of the emotions and implications she carries to them. Eventually they think themselves to be in love, but she knows this not to be true. Feelings of possession are hard to control or master, especially when fear is your dominating emotion tied to it. They only know how to own and in doing so, love the item they have. They are still learning what having true friends means and how it feels to be with them. But one day they will see she is a sister to them. Somebody they protect and cherish. Who they can take under their wing to teach them pranks as well as colours. Because that’s what she really is to them, they just don’t know it yet. After all having a sister is a little different to having a brother.”

“Next we have Tamaki. The half breed as everybody calls him behind his back. He knew from day one that his father didn’t love he or his mother enough to let go of money and the family name. Instead he turns his back on them, deaf to their pleadings as his mother grows sicker and sicker. He had no one but her until one day his mother begs his farther to take him and he does. He steals him from his mother. Refuses to allow him any contact. He doesn’t even know where she is or how she’s doing. His father is distant but acknowledges him at least. His grandmother hates his guts and makes sure he knows he’s not even in existence in her eyes. He’s now trapped in a county he doesn’t know, with nobody to turn to.”

“His first friend is fake. He knows this because of what the students tell him, but he doesn’t care because hey at least this kid is putting up with his hyperactive personality, and who knows maybe he may actually like him and become a true friend. It’s not easy but he keeps smiling and laughing and eventually he finds his stride. He forms a club of lonely people in the hopes it will help them as much he hopes it will help him. His last teaching from his mother was how to treasure women and he sure as hell isn’t going to get one like his father did so that gives him the idea for a host club. Teach women how they should be treated while educating man on how to do it. It’s going fine. The group are friends to an extent. They put up with his theatrics and he accepts them without fault, but they aren’t close, at least not yet.”

“He meets a girl who doesn’t judge him or push him away or tell him how much of a failure he is. Nor does she press any rules or expectations upon him. She accepts him for he is not what he can do for her. She isn’t like his mother, but she also is in the way she cares and will call him on his bullshit. He tells himself he is in love with her because he thinks that way, she can never leave him. He thinks that if he makes himself love her enough then maybe she will stay and he’s so afraid she won’t. He’s too sacred to say he loves her as a sister in case saying that will put a distance between them. He doesn’t know that pretending to have feelings isn’t helping but hurting their friendship. That trying to force that kind of emotion on either side could break it and all he really needs to do is stop and see her for who she is. He will then see that really; she will always be there as a friend for him. No matter how dramatic or overprotective he may act.”

“Kyoya is always being compared to his older siblings. How he doesn’t work enough, isn’t smart enough, creative enough or charismatic enough. His mother’s death hits him hard and though he barely remembers her he still stives to be the person he thinks she would want him to be. Clinging to those few memories. When he was young all he wanted was to make people smile and laugh. He wanted to be loved and love in return. They tell him he’s too soft, too weak, that having a mentality like that will get you nowhere. So he hardens his heart. He stops being a little boy and becomes a grown man. One fixated by logic with a stone for a heart. He changes from sweet to cutthroat and warm to cold. He’s cunning and manipulative. This shining beacon of ‘Look at me look at what I can do. I can crush anyone to please my father even myself!’ Stamped on his forehead. Doing this isolates him. He doesn’t mind. Friends take up too much time and only lead to betrayal. He’s had that drilled into his head. Happiness does not make money so why bother chasing it? But then he meets a boy who is what he used to be. Is smiling and carefree. Has time for everyone and anyone. He envies him because he is what he wanted to be. His father then orders him to befriend the boy telling him how high in power he may be one day and how he would be an asset. The boy is torn in two. On one hand he wants to please his father but on the other he doesn’t know how to be a friend. So he does what he always does. He research’s and investigates. He discovers along the way he can’t be the soft, carefree kid he once was. Can’t seem to stop looking for benefit and value in things. That it’s too ingrained in him. Being open and sweet is hard and it makes him feel all wrong.”

“Eventually he can’t do it anymore and he hates himself a little more for admitting his failure, but the boy surprised him, tells him how he actually likes this Kyoto. The one who speaks his mind and is assertive. He even laughs when Kyoto pushes him out of chair for the first time or calls him stupid. It takes him a while to realise that yes, he’s still as ruthless as his father made him. Is still wanting to beat his brothers but he’s begun to see he can be so much more than that. He’s noticed how he’s more teasing in his biting remarks. How he now subtly points people in the right direction rather than ignoring them. He learns actually he can be happy and still reach his goals. However, he still has the problem of doing as everyone asks and not doing as he wishes, thinking that too selfish, something the friend he made tells him is okay to do but he isn’t sure it is.”

“Thankfully he is not in love with the girl that fell into his life. At first, he thinks nothing of her other than the profits he can gain and save by using her. Over time however he sees her as more than that. Somebody he can trust in and depend on. Somebody who sees what he sees and has no problem being as cold as him. He finds comfort in that. Comfort that somebody else thinks like him. But he thinks that if he lets her walk away from their group. That if she stops coming, she may decide that having someone so much like herself would be a problem. He doesn’t want to lose her, the only girl other than his sister he can be himself around and not have them run off crying or try and grab his money. So he keeps adding to her debt, thus making it so she can never leave. He tells himself it’s for the benefit of the club but secretly he’s doing the first selfish thing he has ever done and doesn’t know that she is proud of him for that. “

“Mori’s isn’t much different from Hikaru and Kaoru. His sense of duty is something he made his own and is content in it however I don’t think that was always the case. Growing up he found it hard to connect with people. How they were put off by his silence and of course his almost blank facial expressions. He loved kendo because he felt for a moment, he was doing something right. That he was achieving something and making his family proud and himself. However, as he grew older the pressure to be at the top. To bring Honour to his family while balancing schoolwork and you began to take its toll. He was lonely and overworked mentally. He’s a sensitive soul, more an introvert then an extrovert. His quite personality began to cause problems. He is used to being in the limelight thanks to his accomplishments as well as being born into a prominent family. However, he does not enjoy human interaction very much especially with strangers. He becomes anxious and is worried what people may think of him and how that will affect his family’s reputation. Afraid he will say the wrong thing and make an embarrassment of his family name. He hates family parties and every time he knows he has to attend he panics for hours. Shaking and wanting to throw up before forcing a facade of calmness.”

“You are his rock. You don’t pressure him. Do not make him talk to people or go to gatherings with you. You take the attention off him. And when you are alone you don’t press your excessive energy on him you tone it down, are softer and Lower the volume. But the fact remains that Mori doesn’t like being in crowds and his family will never understand or accept that about him. But one day he meets a girl who in the surface is opinionated and speaks her mind. Someone who isn’t afraid to tell people how it is or what they’ve done wrong. He thinks she is like everybody else just on a slightly lower scale as she doesn’t squeak or shriek. But one day he catches her alone, curled up under a tree reading a book, having managed to catch a few minutes during gym class. He watches as a few people make their way over to her and strike up a conversation. He’s about to turn away but stops and noticed something. How her responses are short and if possible one worded. How her smile is strained and at some point, when she thinks they’re not watching non-existent. He looks at her carefully and noted how her hands are shaking and that her chest is raising and falling too quickly. He knows the signs of somebody overwhelmed by stimulation and a panic attack is imminent. He steps in and take her far far away. He did it in silence. Allowing her to hide against his neck. Not saying anything as she tries to breath.”

“They sit in silence for a very long time, well after the shakes have gone and her breathing is even. They don’t need words. Neither are sure their voices would work to try and explain what’s happened but that’s okay because they know. They know that talking to people is exhausting and some days our brains just refuse to make a noise. We want to be silent and invisible. Since then, they seek each other out for silence and slowly he Begins to form an attachment to her. He’s not in love but he thinks if he wanted to be, he could. But he’s happy with her friendship. He knows someone else is already in too deep with her and he’s happy for them. Happy because he knows that no matter what happens their silence will always link them together even if the world at large thinks something is wrong with them, they know they are perfectly content with the way they are.”

“And of course, you know your back story. The kid who was told he couldn’t be who he really was. That it wasn’t manly or honourable. Didn’t fit the family image so it had to go. You were to be their poster boy and damn anything you said against it. Like so many kids before you, you love your family and want to make them proud, so you did as they asked. But you weren’t happy. Didn’t take you long to figure out you couldn’t keep going like this, that all it was doing was hurting you to deny who you are. Tamaki was the one to finally opened the door to you being you but in doing so you lost your close relationship with your brother. The boy you cherished above everything else. It still kills you now to have to listen to your brother say he hates you and how he glares at you, but you are self-aware enough to know one day he will understand why you did what you did, and you hope he will forgive you and become your brother once again when he does. And if that wasn’t enough after taking that blow, after fighting your own father to make them see who you are you were told you could no longer actively practise martial arts or enter any tournaments. You were deemed too dangerous to be allowed to display your talent in case some perceive you as a threat. Suddenly the two things you held most dear were ripped away from you and all you had left to stand on was cuteness.”

“You grabbed into that with an iron fist but even you know being this person isn’t completely who you are either. You fear that people won’t like as much if you’re not a child twenty for seven and you also fear that if you show people how truly intelligent you are being the actual protege Kyoto told me about on my first day here then they will stripe that away from you too for a stupid reason. So even though you are happy eating sweets and playing around, you don’t want that to be all you are. But at the back of mind, you always wonder ‘Does the women I love like me the way I am or do have to change for her to?’ The answer is yes to both. She loves you for a number of reasons, but they don’t all revolve around one specific part. Changing yourself is something you are always going to be doing but so long as they are changes for your own happiness and not hers then she will accept you always. All you’ve got to do is open your eyes and see she’s right there in front of you, waiting to finally make a move” She finishes, relaxing marginally back into the seat she was in, losing that defensive stance.

“What about you? You said she was wrong in assuming we didn’t have problems to share with people. That implies you have one to.” He pretends not to see the disappointment or the hurt in her eyes for not taking the opportunity to confess but he knows that’s it’s not a good time. He doesn’t want to start something with her based on his insecurities. He wants them to happen when they are meant to not when he’d basically backed her into a corner to even prove she cares enough about the hosts as friends.

“Do you not think losing my mother was enough?” She asks him coldly making him feel even more like an arsehole. 

“That happening to you was awful but you won’t have worded it that way if that was what you were referring to” he points out calmly. He allows his eyes to express his apologise for inferring such a thing. He sees when she understands because her stance softened, and her eyes seem to grow sadder the anger leaving them.

“You are right, there is another problem I was thinking about when I said that. I suppose you could say I am an amalgamation of all of you. I was isolated in my world like the twins. Even when my mother was alive both my parents worked really hard and didn’t have all the time in the world for me. Some days it felt like I was the only person that didn’t exist in their world as they chased after other people’s problems. I try to remember my mother as a lovely woman as the perfect mother, but the truth is nobody is every such a thing. My mother had faults and being a workaholic was one of them.” She admits smiling down sadly at her clenched fists, trying to block out the feeling and the memories admitting such a thing stirs.

“I was like Kyoya in the aspect that I’m chasing after the image of my mother. I’m trying to reach the standards my father throws at me. To be on top of everything, to be the perfect daughter and the house cleaner and the cook. I lost my innocence after my mother’s death and had to take on all the house responsibilities. I stopped being the cheerful kid who was carefree and be someone who is cold and calculating like Kyoya. Money was never far from my mind as I became aware how little we had and how much we needed. I became a full-grown woman when I was still a kid like him.”

“I’m like Tamaki in the fact I was thrown into a world I didn’t understand and the people who should support me had turned their backs trying to cope with their own problems. My father was a mess the year after my mother passed. Was distant and although acknowledged me it wasn’t as a father should. That’s when I knuckled down in schools to get a good job and people began to notice how good I was, wanting to use me. I thought like him, that if I let them get close maybe they would like me for me, but unlike Tamaki that didn’t happen until Ouran. The extended family I have hates me for supporting my father in being who he is. And like Tamaki I hold on to my mother’s teachings tight and try to pass them on to others.”

“I take after Mori in the fact I hate crowds and parties. I don’t like being the centre of attention like that. I struggle with actually coming up with things to say and get worked up over the slightest things. How I should have worded something better or said something at a more appropriate time. I found something my family and myself take pride in, however the expectation placed upon me to succeed can overwhelm me.”

“And finally, I am like you in the fact people around me keep trying to change who I am. I tried being the girly girl my farther wants. The one who cares for makeup and wearing dresses. Wants to talk gossip and go get my nails done but, in the end, I just started getting self-conscious and hating every single minute of every day because I still didn’t look perfect. Still wasn’t a girly girl because my head was on a book I’d read or out latest homework assignment. Eventually I had to admit defeat and stand up for myself but in doing so I feel like I lost that connection with my father. I can’t talk fashion like he can. I can’t think about a day in the spar and not shiver, being unable to enjoy it knowing how much money is being wasted on it or the mountain of chores I have to do. My father doesn’t get that and is always forcing me to become that person again and occasionally, like you, I feel like maybe I am pushing my non femininess. That now I’m trying to prove a point and am afraid that’s all I’m being seen for. I can dress girly but I’m always afraid if I do, they will think they were right, and I was wrong. I can be more than the model student. I actually really enjoy art. I mainly stick to sketching but do the odd painting, but I’m afraid if I show people, that joy will be taken away from me by their expectations. In the end, like all of you, I met people who broaden my horizons and became the freedom I need to be me, but unlike you three I don’t let you know my love for you, I hide and repress the fondness and care I have come to see you with for I know, one day you will leave, and I don’t want to force you to stay.”

“I am not from your world, something I am reminded of every day. I do not know how to act in your society, and I know I am always going to be looked down upon because of my linage. I cannot give you what other girls of your class can. And I am always afraid that one day when commoner things stop being so interesting and fun you will leave me all alone. I am afraid of being close to you because one day I am most likely going to lose you all, ether because of family obligation or your own disinterest. Being in love with one you of you is going to be pretty much my downfall as I know I will never be accepted fully by any of your family’s, friend or otherwise”

“So you see, I know you boys very well. Each one of you have burrowed into my heart and become a piece of me. My own little family. I do not like being in this club that was never a lie, while you gave me freedom to be, I also lost my privacy. The word no has no meaning to you people and while I love and treasure you all I can’t deny that you don’t respect my way of life. Of the fact I need days where I can’t be at your beck and call as I have to do schoolwork on top of housework. That’s what I meant when I said I didn’t want to be here, I’m sorry I never explained this to you. However, I still stand by what I said about Renge, what she is doing is wrong and I hope I have proven that to you if nothing else.”

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaaaand that’s when I work up and have no idea what happens next. I mean I could try working it out now, but I have so many stories in the works that I don’t have the brain power or the time. I suppose this was a nice break as I literally just went ham and remembered rather then having to think up the scenarios on the fly, and to start doing that now would take away the fun and relaxation I had writing this so I’m not going to do that. If you know what should happen next feel free to write it yourself and let me know!
> 
> Love and wishes to you all (again) 
> 
> Dream out!


End file.
